The Comfort and Grief of Christmas
Sunday 1st December, everyone planning comfy days in and fun nights out. Families have been arranging their dinner for the big day; who will come to whose, who will sit where, who will be bringing what piece of the dinner. Work colleagues are arranging the night out and Secret Santas, and everyone is picking out outfits which will wow.
The city is preparing for Christmas and New Year. The shops have begun to display their Christmas themed products - tinsel and trees, decorations and ornaments all designed to catch the eye with glint here and a sparkle there, while joyful Christmas music plays and people hum along.
Home windows display Christmas in its full joyful glory, may have already begun to decorate their house turning it into a Christmas home. An assortment of different coloured baubles hanging from the edges of a tree decorated with love and attention. Tinsel hangs from fireplaces and family photo frames. Flashing Merry Christmas signs face outward greeting the passers-by while green, gold and silver wreaths have adorned welcoming wooden doors.
I spent the night before setting up and decorating our tree. It's nothing fancy, just the wee average green tree with lights that don't work. And of course, during my time decorating the tree, I asked myself why I was doing it, because my brother won't be up to see it this year.
Going through such a painful loss in my life so close to Christmas has inevitably led me to ask why do we decorate our home at this time of year? who is it for?
The answer is simple. Family.
We do all this for our family. We do it for those we know will come into our homes and experience it and get some kind of joy out of seeing the glittering greens and sparkling silvers, who will enjoy the lights of the tree going from blue, to green, to red, who will enjoy the smell of the cinnamon spice candle we bought 'specially and who we will clink glasses with, share our laughs, goals and dreams about the future with, as we toast to another year, together.
Christmas is not just for us, it's not just about us, it's about them, it's about all of us together
It's about family.
This leads me to ask, what exactly is family? Who makes up a family?
The definition of family has, of course, changed over time. As society moves forward, as it becomes more inclusive, progressive and understanding of the variety of dynamics and characters in a family the meaning has changed. It once meant the socially expected, heteronormative, cisgender standard 'one man, one woman, 2.4 kids and a dog' now, it means just about anything you want it to mean, your family is anyone you want it to be.
In essence, family today means that group of people - however small or large in number - which you feel connected to. These are people and pets you consider kith and kin. You care about them, they care about you, you know them, they know you, you are important in each other's lives.
With these people in your life, you feel a stronger footing on some very thin ice in a very hot world. They are your anchor tethering you to it. They make it worth all the pain, and stress and loss and times you feel you can't go on.
Without them Christmas is just another day, New Year is just another year.
When we put in effort to decorate our homes, especially at Christmas and New Year, we want to create a space for our family to feel welcome, to feel comfortable, to feel happy and to feel safe. What we ultimately want is to create our own Christmas time Hygge for others.
The Danish concept of Hygge was new to me not so long ago. But, Hygge itself - or any other names or terms you personally have for it - is, at its core, the feeling and the desire to create comfort, and will likely be something we probably all recognise.
Danish- British writer Louisa Thomsen Brits wrote on the concept of hygge 'The Book of Hygge: the Danish Art of Living Well' and, while I haven't yet had a chance to read her book, I did find this extract from an article on hygge which quotes Thomsen Bris as saying "Danes prefer to gather in small groups, to emphasise the unity of their inner circles".
I found this quote particularly interesting, isn't this what family is? Our own inner circle, our own connected, unified, small group who we create a welcoming comfortable home for? and equally, isn't it our family that then, in turn, helps to create the comfort of hygge in our home?
If this is so, then the family are crucial to the concept of hygge as much as hygge is crucial to the full enjoyment of the experience of Christmas. Sure, we want to feel that homely comfort every day in our homes, for ourselves, but it's only at Christmas that Hygge for others is our main priority, only at Christmas do we go out of our way to create that feeling of comfort for others, not for ourselves.
In 'The Little Book of Hygge Danish Secrets to Happy Living' Meik Wiking relays the same core message " it's [hygge] about being with the people we love...hygge is about an atmosphere and an experience"
What I did notice, however - as have the Danes - is that there is a tendency to mistake hygge as materialism, rather than a state of living. Articles and books often seem to reduce hygge down to 'things'. Usually presented as an obligatory photo of a coffee cup or some similar materialistic misrepresentation to show just how hygge they are. *see photo below
However, the concept of hygge appears to be far more complex and meaningful than a few comfy, cream coloured, throw covers and a room full of matching lit candles, all bought from your favourite superstore.
The trend has reduced a concept down to the ability to spend money on the 'perfect item', a 'perfect centrepiece', and see that item as comfort.
However, hygge is not about things the same way Christmas is not about presents.
Neither of these concepts are about 'things', what I believe connects both hygge and Christmas is the true 'centrepiece', the actual thing which truly brings us comfort- the small group, the inner circle, family.
Hygge and Christmas exist because of and focus mainly on community, communication, kith and kin, in finding joy in the experience of being with your family in familiar and comfortable surroundings. Hygge is therefore not about things at all, it is about the simple joy of being with and around those you love And, at Christmas, those you love is what it's all about. In essence, without family, the home at Christmas has little hygge, no matter how much tinsel and lights you have.
From what I understand of the concept, we create hygge for our family and in turn, our family create hygge for us. As Laura Byager says "hygge is effortless comfort, it has no element of performance". When with our family at Christmas, it's not a performance, it's just being together.
Whether you celebrate Christmas as a secular or religious holiday, as a Pagan or Christian holiday, it's always, always about family. It's always about making your family - whether blood or not - feel welcome, comfortable and content. It's the one time of the year we put so much thought and effort into making our loved ones feel welcome in our space, to show them that it's their home away from home.
With other people's comfort on our minds as a priority, we put up colours and lights, light pleasantly scented candles and wrap our framed family photos in silver starry tinsel. This itself, to my mind, is hygge, the sheer comfort we get from making our family comfortable and happy.
The idea of family at Christmas is traditionally one of complexity. There is often contention and love all at once. The family dynamic is diverse and multilayered. It's important to recognise here that there are many families which are together, but, have a dysfunctional and unhealthy dynamic, this often creates a toxic atmosphere which many feel obligated to endure at Christmas.
With dysfunctionality and unhealthy dynamics, not all family Christmases will be happy ones. And these can also lead to people feeling very alone and isolated - even when they are with those they love - and those people lose out on feeling connected to the Christmas atmosphere which seems to permeate the very air we breathe in December, right through to the brand new crisp air of the brand new year.
Many charities put the spotlight on social isolation and loneliness at Christmas for good reason because we know how much social isolation impacts physical and mental health. This is likely because it is at this time of year we notice sharper and we feel loss deeper than we do at any other time. When you see so many other families together, experiencing Christmas and everything it brings. You sense an ever-present emptiness replacing what was contentment and happiness. It can wear at you over time, and I've seen it do just that myself to people I love.
When you don't have that, when you don't have the family, the comfort, the connections of kith and kin, the security of a healthy family dynamic- whether it has been taken from you, or whether you never really had it - you feel it every Christmas and every New Year.
There are lots of brilliant campaigns to tackle social isolation and loneliness, in-fact the Scottish Government has recently begun a campaign and strategy to tackle social isolation and loneliness in Scotland among older people. Age UK found that over 1.5 million people suffer severe loneliness at Christmas time
Hogmanay and New Year's celebrations are very much the same as Christmas, Hogmanay, in particular, is focused around enjoying the eve of the new year as it turns from the old trodden past to the unspoiled fresh start and new future we all hope for.
As it comes closer to 12 o'clock, glasses get filled, stomachs flutter, this is it it's nearly here, this past is gone, the futures coming and we are walking into it, together.
Everyone crosses and links arms, and sings with all their heart as much as they can remember of Auld Lang Syne - if this one act doesn't create a sense of hygge in your heart, I don't know what does!
Should auld acquaintance be forgot
and never brought to mind
should auld acquaintance be forgot
and auld lang syne
for auld lang syne my dear
for auld lang syne
we'll take a cup of kindness yet
for auld lang syne
- a fitting song when going into the new year after losing someone you love on the old one.
The message of Auld Langs Syne is crystal clear, those you love matter and whether they are here to clink glasses, kiss, and link arms with you, share a song and look forward to the future together or whether they are not, they will always be in your thoughts and hearts, as they should be, and you will go on and make new friends who may become family, and you will make new memories, share new experiences, and welcome in the next new year, together.
This, is perhaps why we create our own families, and why the definition and who we include has had to change. Family is not just about who you are related to. Many people who were not blood relations, yet become as close and important to each other as blood, are often what I call 'lost family' - they had no home they felt they belonged in, no family they felt they belonged to - for a variety of reasons - and yet, they found each other, came together and created one out of the ashes of their family lost to the fires of time.
A family created out of other people's 'lost family' may not be the traditional definition but it's as important to those people and it can make the difference at times like Christmas and New Year; which, without this makeshift family pieced together like a puzzle, each individual may find it difficult to make through.
I remember as a wee lassie, my mum used to talk about her friend who would get sad around Christmas as she had lost close family, and I remember I felt sad for her, but I never really understood it. I never understood why her friend couldn't just be happy with the family she had.
I began to understand it as I got older. As I began to have to go through Christmases and New Years after losing someone.
I understand it now as I grieve for my younger brother.
My mum's friend was grieving the same loss every year, at the same time, feeling that same loss as deeply as she felt it the first day she had to experience it. She had to go through this time of year, doing the obligatory and expected chores like shopping for gifts, writing out cards, meeting with friends, work night out, and creating hygge for family at home.
It is no surprise she was sad every year. When - if she was anything like I am right now - all she wanted to do was crawl under the duvet, not move unless necessary, eat muffins, drink something to numb yourself and use distractions to cope with the all-consuming grief.
At Christmas, it doesn't matter how much time has passed, whether it's 5 days, 5 weeks, 5 months or 5 years, you will probably mourn and grieve every time at this year after you lose a close loved one.
People want to be happy, and for them to be happy they kind of need you to be happy, and so there is a lot of pressure on those people who suffer grief at Christmas to just push it aside and go on 'for everyone else'.
This may or may not be something that individual family members or society as a whole realises, but people grieving feel an enormous burden, enormous pressure to 'just be joyful for the sake of everyone else' . I feel it myself, right now, writing this piece, that you guys will be thinking ' oh for f*cks sake it's Christmas, lighten up, enjoy it, you have all the time after this to grieve'
But, this is where we are evoked to remember what Christmas is about, who Christmas is about - family.
Losing any member of that family, you don't just lose them, you lose your sense of self. You lose so much of yourself. You become lost in that grief. The time of year doesn't matter. Time doesn't matter. And yet, it's all that matters.
I understand now why my mum's friend was always sad.
When you lose something, it becomes so much more valuable than it ever was when you had it and didn't realise how precious it was. We take so much for granted, people, time, ourselves. And, when we look back, after it's gone, we see how much of it we wasted we feel the loss, the hurt, the grief, the abandonment, the guilt and the shame. It comes flooding in with the colourful Christmas lights that you wish would just stop flashing at you.
It hits you like a sledgehammer to the face, all of it, everything you had, and everything you have lost.
You realise, the comfort you have has never come from any item, no centrepiece, no special day or time of year, it comes from those framed photos and the experiences, the laughs and heartaches they represent, it comes from those people you have spent so much of your life with.
And once they are gone, all you are left with are framed photos dripping with tinsel and moments of memories. *photo my own
What is Christmas about? Who is Christmas for?
Christmas is about two things, family and hygge, and these are interconnected. It's the time of year when we get to be around the people we love, we get to spend time with them, celebrate with them, laugh, share a drink and some memories with them. We create a warm, welcoming home for them, we want them to know they are loved, they are welcome and they are safe in our home.
What then is Christmas without family? What is Christmas when you have lost someone you love?
It can be a very lonely time, it's not something you want to celebrate, you don't want to be part of the festivities. You just want it to be over, so you don't have to feel like only the lonely anymore while the rest of the world is celebrating with their loved ones seeing in the end of another year.
What we can conclude from the research, and the actions that are being taken to prevent social isolation is that our society understands how important family is to us, especially at Christmas, and take great effort to change things those who are alone at Christmas and make their Christmas a little less lonely.
Be patient with those who are sad at this time of year, don't expect so much from them. They need you to be patient. They need to know they are not alone.
Whatever you are sad about, whether its depression, grief, loss, pain, whatever it is, be patient with yourself. Don't allow yourself to feel that pressure that pushes down on us every Christmas to buy into the 'you HAVE to be joyful, you MUST buy the gifts, you SHOULD host a party. You are allowed to stay home, you are allowed to opt-out of Christmas this year, you are allowed to sit in the corner crying into a glass of wine if you have to.
So, this is Christmas, another year over, a new one just begun, I hope you find this time of year joyful, I hope you have a wonderful time with your family, whether blood or lost, whatever, whoever and however family is for you. I hope, if you are feeling lonely or sad at Christmas and New Year, you reach out to someone, and I hope they welcome you with open arms.
As we near the end of the year, remember, as you watch the smiles and joy, as you hear the laughter and as you bring in the new year with those you love, it's precious and imperfect, it's real, and although you may have lost someone you love and have to go through to the new year without them, you will make it through, you will find your lost family, we're right here.
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.
The city is preparing for Christmas and New Year. The shops have begun to display their Christmas themed products - tinsel and trees, decorations and ornaments all designed to catch the eye with glint here and a sparkle there, while joyful Christmas music plays and people hum along.
Home windows display Christmas in its full joyful glory, may have already begun to decorate their house turning it into a Christmas home. An assortment of different coloured baubles hanging from the edges of a tree decorated with love and attention. Tinsel hangs from fireplaces and family photo frames. Flashing Merry Christmas signs face outward greeting the passers-by while green, gold and silver wreaths have adorned welcoming wooden doors.
I spent the night before setting up and decorating our tree. It's nothing fancy, just the wee average green tree with lights that don't work. And of course, during my time decorating the tree, I asked myself why I was doing it, because my brother won't be up to see it this year.
Going through such a painful loss in my life so close to Christmas has inevitably led me to ask why do we decorate our home at this time of year? who is it for?
The answer is simple. Family.
We do all this for our family. We do it for those we know will come into our homes and experience it and get some kind of joy out of seeing the glittering greens and sparkling silvers, who will enjoy the lights of the tree going from blue, to green, to red, who will enjoy the smell of the cinnamon spice candle we bought 'specially and who we will clink glasses with, share our laughs, goals and dreams about the future with, as we toast to another year, together.
Christmas is not just for us, it's not just about us, it's about them, it's about all of us together
It's about family.
What exactly is our family?
This leads me to ask, what exactly is family? Who makes up a family?
The definition of family has, of course, changed over time. As society moves forward, as it becomes more inclusive, progressive and understanding of the variety of dynamics and characters in a family the meaning has changed. It once meant the socially expected, heteronormative, cisgender standard 'one man, one woman, 2.4 kids and a dog' now, it means just about anything you want it to mean, your family is anyone you want it to be.
In essence, family today means that group of people - however small or large in number - which you feel connected to. These are people and pets you consider kith and kin. You care about them, they care about you, you know them, they know you, you are important in each other's lives.
With these people in your life, you feel a stronger footing on some very thin ice in a very hot world. They are your anchor tethering you to it. They make it worth all the pain, and stress and loss and times you feel you can't go on.
Without them Christmas is just another day, New Year is just another year.
Hygge
When we put in effort to decorate our homes, especially at Christmas and New Year, we want to create a space for our family to feel welcome, to feel comfortable, to feel happy and to feel safe. What we ultimately want is to create our own Christmas time Hygge for others.
The Danish concept of Hygge was new to me not so long ago. But, Hygge itself - or any other names or terms you personally have for it - is, at its core, the feeling and the desire to create comfort, and will likely be something we probably all recognise.
Danish- British writer Louisa Thomsen Brits wrote on the concept of hygge 'The Book of Hygge: the Danish Art of Living Well' and, while I haven't yet had a chance to read her book, I did find this extract from an article on hygge which quotes Thomsen Bris as saying "Danes prefer to gather in small groups, to emphasise the unity of their inner circles".
I found this quote particularly interesting, isn't this what family is? Our own inner circle, our own connected, unified, small group who we create a welcoming comfortable home for? and equally, isn't it our family that then, in turn, helps to create the comfort of hygge in our home?
If this is so, then the family are crucial to the concept of hygge as much as hygge is crucial to the full enjoyment of the experience of Christmas. Sure, we want to feel that homely comfort every day in our homes, for ourselves, but it's only at Christmas that Hygge for others is our main priority, only at Christmas do we go out of our way to create that feeling of comfort for others, not for ourselves.
In 'The Little Book of Hygge Danish Secrets to Happy Living' Meik Wiking relays the same core message " it's [hygge] about being with the people we love...hygge is about an atmosphere and an experience"
What I did notice, however - as have the Danes - is that there is a tendency to mistake hygge as materialism, rather than a state of living. Articles and books often seem to reduce hygge down to 'things'. Usually presented as an obligatory photo of a coffee cup or some similar materialistic misrepresentation to show just how hygge they are. *see photo below
 |
| Materialistic and Obligatory Hygge |
However, the concept of hygge appears to be far more complex and meaningful than a few comfy, cream coloured, throw covers and a room full of matching lit candles, all bought from your favourite superstore.
The trend has reduced a concept down to the ability to spend money on the 'perfect item', a 'perfect centrepiece', and see that item as comfort.
However, hygge is not about things the same way Christmas is not about presents.
Neither of these concepts are about 'things', what I believe connects both hygge and Christmas is the true 'centrepiece', the actual thing which truly brings us comfort- the small group, the inner circle, family.
Hygge and Christmas exist because of and focus mainly on community, communication, kith and kin, in finding joy in the experience of being with your family in familiar and comfortable surroundings. Hygge is therefore not about things at all, it is about the simple joy of being with and around those you love And, at Christmas, those you love is what it's all about. In essence, without family, the home at Christmas has little hygge, no matter how much tinsel and lights you have.
From what I understand of the concept, we create hygge for our family and in turn, our family create hygge for us. As Laura Byager says "hygge is effortless comfort, it has no element of performance". When with our family at Christmas, it's not a performance, it's just being together.
Whether you celebrate Christmas as a secular or religious holiday, as a Pagan or Christian holiday, it's always, always about family. It's always about making your family - whether blood or not - feel welcome, comfortable and content. It's the one time of the year we put so much thought and effort into making our loved ones feel welcome in our space, to show them that it's their home away from home.
With other people's comfort on our minds as a priority, we put up colours and lights, light pleasantly scented candles and wrap our framed family photos in silver starry tinsel. This itself, to my mind, is hygge, the sheer comfort we get from making our family comfortable and happy.
Happy Families and Happy Christmas
The idea of family at Christmas is traditionally one of complexity. There is often contention and love all at once. The family dynamic is diverse and multilayered. It's important to recognise here that there are many families which are together, but, have a dysfunctional and unhealthy dynamic, this often creates a toxic atmosphere which many feel obligated to endure at Christmas.
With dysfunctionality and unhealthy dynamics, not all family Christmases will be happy ones. And these can also lead to people feeling very alone and isolated - even when they are with those they love - and those people lose out on feeling connected to the Christmas atmosphere which seems to permeate the very air we breathe in December, right through to the brand new crisp air of the brand new year.
Many charities put the spotlight on social isolation and loneliness at Christmas for good reason because we know how much social isolation impacts physical and mental health. This is likely because it is at this time of year we notice sharper and we feel loss deeper than we do at any other time. When you see so many other families together, experiencing Christmas and everything it brings. You sense an ever-present emptiness replacing what was contentment and happiness. It can wear at you over time, and I've seen it do just that myself to people I love.
When you don't have that, when you don't have the family, the comfort, the connections of kith and kin, the security of a healthy family dynamic- whether it has been taken from you, or whether you never really had it - you feel it every Christmas and every New Year.
There are lots of brilliant campaigns to tackle social isolation and loneliness, in-fact the Scottish Government has recently begun a campaign and strategy to tackle social isolation and loneliness in Scotland among older people. Age UK found that over 1.5 million people suffer severe loneliness at Christmas time
Hogmanay and New Year's celebrations are very much the same as Christmas, Hogmanay, in particular, is focused around enjoying the eve of the new year as it turns from the old trodden past to the unspoiled fresh start and new future we all hope for.
As it comes closer to 12 o'clock, glasses get filled, stomachs flutter, this is it it's nearly here, this past is gone, the futures coming and we are walking into it, together.
Everyone crosses and links arms, and sings with all their heart as much as they can remember of Auld Lang Syne - if this one act doesn't create a sense of hygge in your heart, I don't know what does!
Should auld acquaintance be forgot
and never brought to mind
should auld acquaintance be forgot
and auld lang syne
for auld lang syne my dear
for auld lang syne
we'll take a cup of kindness yet
for auld lang syne
- a fitting song when going into the new year after losing someone you love on the old one.
The message of Auld Langs Syne is crystal clear, those you love matter and whether they are here to clink glasses, kiss, and link arms with you, share a song and look forward to the future together or whether they are not, they will always be in your thoughts and hearts, as they should be, and you will go on and make new friends who may become family, and you will make new memories, share new experiences, and welcome in the next new year, together.
This, is perhaps why we create our own families, and why the definition and who we include has had to change. Family is not just about who you are related to. Many people who were not blood relations, yet become as close and important to each other as blood, are often what I call 'lost family' - they had no home they felt they belonged in, no family they felt they belonged to - for a variety of reasons - and yet, they found each other, came together and created one out of the ashes of their family lost to the fires of time.
A family created out of other people's 'lost family' may not be the traditional definition but it's as important to those people and it can make the difference at times like Christmas and New Year; which, without this makeshift family pieced together like a puzzle, each individual may find it difficult to make through.
Grief Expectations
I remember as a wee lassie, my mum used to talk about her friend who would get sad around Christmas as she had lost close family, and I remember I felt sad for her, but I never really understood it. I never understood why her friend couldn't just be happy with the family she had.
I began to understand it as I got older. As I began to have to go through Christmases and New Years after losing someone.
I understand it now as I grieve for my younger brother.
My mum's friend was grieving the same loss every year, at the same time, feeling that same loss as deeply as she felt it the first day she had to experience it. She had to go through this time of year, doing the obligatory and expected chores like shopping for gifts, writing out cards, meeting with friends, work night out, and creating hygge for family at home.
It is no surprise she was sad every year. When - if she was anything like I am right now - all she wanted to do was crawl under the duvet, not move unless necessary, eat muffins, drink something to numb yourself and use distractions to cope with the all-consuming grief.
At Christmas, it doesn't matter how much time has passed, whether it's 5 days, 5 weeks, 5 months or 5 years, you will probably mourn and grieve every time at this year after you lose a close loved one.
People want to be happy, and for them to be happy they kind of need you to be happy, and so there is a lot of pressure on those people who suffer grief at Christmas to just push it aside and go on 'for everyone else'.
This may or may not be something that individual family members or society as a whole realises, but people grieving feel an enormous burden, enormous pressure to 'just be joyful for the sake of everyone else' . I feel it myself, right now, writing this piece, that you guys will be thinking ' oh for f*cks sake it's Christmas, lighten up, enjoy it, you have all the time after this to grieve'
But, this is where we are evoked to remember what Christmas is about, who Christmas is about - family.
Losing any member of that family, you don't just lose them, you lose your sense of self. You lose so much of yourself. You become lost in that grief. The time of year doesn't matter. Time doesn't matter. And yet, it's all that matters.
I understand now why my mum's friend was always sad.
When you lose something, it becomes so much more valuable than it ever was when you had it and didn't realise how precious it was. We take so much for granted, people, time, ourselves. And, when we look back, after it's gone, we see how much of it we wasted we feel the loss, the hurt, the grief, the abandonment, the guilt and the shame. It comes flooding in with the colourful Christmas lights that you wish would just stop flashing at you.
It hits you like a sledgehammer to the face, all of it, everything you had, and everything you have lost.
You realise, the comfort you have has never come from any item, no centrepiece, no special day or time of year, it comes from those framed photos and the experiences, the laughs and heartaches they represent, it comes from those people you have spent so much of your life with.
And once they are gone, all you are left with are framed photos dripping with tinsel and moments of memories. *photo my own
TLDR
What is Christmas about? Who is Christmas for?
Christmas is about two things, family and hygge, and these are interconnected. It's the time of year when we get to be around the people we love, we get to spend time with them, celebrate with them, laugh, share a drink and some memories with them. We create a warm, welcoming home for them, we want them to know they are loved, they are welcome and they are safe in our home.
What then is Christmas without family? What is Christmas when you have lost someone you love?
It can be a very lonely time, it's not something you want to celebrate, you don't want to be part of the festivities. You just want it to be over, so you don't have to feel like only the lonely anymore while the rest of the world is celebrating with their loved ones seeing in the end of another year.
What we can conclude from the research, and the actions that are being taken to prevent social isolation is that our society understands how important family is to us, especially at Christmas, and take great effort to change things those who are alone at Christmas and make their Christmas a little less lonely.
Be patient with those who are sad at this time of year, don't expect so much from them. They need you to be patient. They need to know they are not alone.
Whatever you are sad about, whether its depression, grief, loss, pain, whatever it is, be patient with yourself. Don't allow yourself to feel that pressure that pushes down on us every Christmas to buy into the 'you HAVE to be joyful, you MUST buy the gifts, you SHOULD host a party. You are allowed to stay home, you are allowed to opt-out of Christmas this year, you are allowed to sit in the corner crying into a glass of wine if you have to.
So, this is Christmas, another year over, a new one just begun, I hope you find this time of year joyful, I hope you have a wonderful time with your family, whether blood or lost, whatever, whoever and however family is for you. I hope, if you are feeling lonely or sad at Christmas and New Year, you reach out to someone, and I hope they welcome you with open arms.
As we near the end of the year, remember, as you watch the smiles and joy, as you hear the laughter and as you bring in the new year with those you love, it's precious and imperfect, it's real, and although you may have lost someone you love and have to go through to the new year without them, you will make it through, you will find your lost family, we're right here.
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.
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